I've always had an imposter syndrome

Hello! 👋

Welcome to the 9th edition of She Got You!, a newsletter in which I share my conversations with women who create, make a difference, and are building the workplaces of the future.

Today's conversation is with Supritha Murthy, who leads strategy and product expansion at WebEngage in Indonesia. She has around 10+ years of experience in sales, strategy and client solutions.

My 40-minute conversation with Supritha unpacked quite a few common interests — Taylor Swift, books, especially graphic novels — before we moved on to a classic dilemma: what it feels like to be a woman in a male-dominant world. 

So, here's a glimpse of our conversation and how she's got you! 👇

Sunaina: Please tell me about yourself and what you do.

Supritha: I'm a Director of Strategy at WebEngage, and I've recently moved from Bangalore to Jakarta to oversee the product expansion. I started my career as a content writer but soon realised it wasn't my cup of tea. Around that time, ad tech was fresh; I took a plunge into it and have been in Martech so far. 

Apart from work, I doomscroll and watch cat videos quite a bit. I read graphic novels, especially philosophical ones, and Blankets by Craig Thompson and Maus by Art Spiegelman are my all-time favourites. Many don't realise how profound graphic novels can be! I don't know how these writers combine illustration and text to create a blasting liquid. 

Sunaina: Right! So, what's the highlight of your career so far?

Supritha: Hmm, so let me take a personal twist here! I've always been considered an introvert by myself and those around me. Sure, there are some people I love talking to, and when the bottle opens, it keeps overflowing. Otherwise, I can't make small talk, discuss weather or weekends, or even express genuine interest while doing so. My face gives it away. Recently, I was invited to moderate an event with a 900-member audience, and it felt like a good place to be in. It was like I’ve arrived. Later, I was invited to be a speaker at another event after the past event’s success.

I'm a customer-facing professional whose work obliges me to do presentations and pitch decks, but these events unlocked an extrovert in me. You know, my social circle is also a handful; I’ve invited only nine people to my wedding. So, sitting in front of 900 people and discovering, "Oh, this is good!" made me feel like I got this. So that's a highlight.

Sunaina: Got it! Even extroverts may not always be comfortable speaking in front of 900 people, right? How did you prepare for the event?

Supritha: Right! I have an internal mechanism that helps me break down a big goal into short-term goals. As the event approached, I took things step by step, starting with what to wear. Then, I looked up the speakers and their backgrounds and reached out to them, introducing myself to ensure we got comfortable before the main day. 

Although I had 15 days, I broke down the prep into bite-sized plans and took one day at a time. I thought it might be an overwhelming or fear-inducing experience, but it wasn’t. Speaking at that event felt natural. So, the mechanism worked for me.

Sunaina: A KPMG study reports that about 75 per cent of female executives experience imposter syndrome. What are your thoughts on this?

Supritha: I’ve always had imposter syndrome. I don't have explicit techniques to break out of it, but I handle things as they come. For instance, say I have a sales pitch the next day, and if my imposter syndrome or the inner voice says I got her by fluke and can't do this, I distract myself by making tiny changes or adding keynotes to my presentation. I sleep right after that, and before the pitch, another fresh episode of imposter syndrome appears. Again, I break it down into smaller goals that I can chew, achieve and move forward. I've been successful in keeping the syndrome at bay when it matters. Sure, there are days I feel helpless and go through immense introspection. But when it gets too much and requires me to step up and deal with it, I always do. 

My family is a solid support system; apart from my husband, I also have a twin sister and her husband. We're all feminists and peers with similar experiences, which helps us have healthy conversations around my concerns. They don't minimise my issues and hear me out; plus, my husband is like my sounding board, especially after moving to Jakarta and away from my family.

Here's something that's been bothering me for a while, so let me get it out! In my past role also, I was a director leading a team of eight, and a few would call me mom. Of course, in a casual setting or when we'd step out for coffee or lunch. They'd say I was maternal but I'd brush it off because it didn't bother me much, or that's what I thought until I moved to Jakarta. I wasn't fully aware of the cultural nuances here, and when a teammate here called me mom, I was taken aback. Would you call a man your dad? Even if he is polite and kind. So that got me thinking if this was sexist. Sure, they don't mean harm, and there's nothing wrong with being called a mom, but in a professional setup, it's not cool, right?

My husband and I discussed this and wondered if I should be more assertive or raise my voice while speaking. Those were just practical ideas but were not me or my personality. Even the supermarket workers would call me mom, and it really got to me, so my husband researched and found out that 'ibu', which means mom in Indonesia, is a term of endearment and has nothing to do with being a mom. But you can see how it triggered emotions I wasn't happy about, and I no longer allow people to call me that at work. Lately, I've been following some women on LinkedIn who help me navigate subtle things you can't always discuss with anyone and everyone. So, that helps.

Sunaina: Has your gender ever been a disadvantage at work? If yes, can you share an incident and how you dealt with it?

Supritha: Thankfully, it hasn't been a disadvantage for me yet. But if I smell sexism even remotely, I call it out. One of my former workplaces addressed and rectified this concern while admitting that’s how their culture has been. I firmly told them it didn’t signify a good culture. They fixed the issues in a few months, but this was an isolated situation. Companies have never looked at my gender for my growth, promotions or salaries. They've always been on par with my male counterparts. Most of the companies I worked with have been inclusive and went out of their way to empower women returning from maternity leave and sabbaticals and towards LGBTQIA and other races. 

Sunaina: Do you check what values or policies a company follows?

Supritha: Not really, because policies on paper may not always be in practice. So, I reach out to employees directly to get a flavour of their culture. Companies can get a few more stars on Glassdoor, but employees tell you the truth. If someone mentions borderline toxicity, I avoid the job offer. I do take bets sometimes — I left a job after a month because of its culture and don't even put it up on LinkedIn or my resume because it's best to forget that experience. 

Sunaina: Have you ever had a mentor?

Supritha: Not in an official capacity, but I reach out to my former boss, Anupama Sundaram. I consider her my mentor.

Sunaina: Right! Can women really have it all?

Supritha: I want to believe so! With some companies focusing on their DE&I activities, you see some positive changes, but are they enough? I am not sure; only time can tell. However, as a woman, I have it all by prioritising my personal and professional lives, setting the proper boundaries, and saying no when required.

All said and done, I'm still optimistic and see things are changing. I hope we're heard more and given a seat at the table to make policies favourable towards women, not male-led policies that we adapt ourselves to. I believe we'll all have equal opportunities and a space to deal with the issues every gender faces. The upcoming generations might have it more manageable, and that's what we're trying to solve.

Sunaina: Last question! One woman who inspires you?

Supritha: It might be misconstrued as childish, but I really like Taylor Swift. It's not because she runs her empire or has multiple successful albums, but because of how she dealt with the Kenya West debacle. When Kanye and Kim released the phone call recording with Taylor, we assumed she was also party to the problem, but we didn't know the entire story. But look at how she took that brickbat and built her reputation! I love that; if you can bounce back when the world is against you, dropping snake emojis at your name, it’s truly something else, right? She seemed unbothered and thought, "How do I make this work for me?" The capability to even imagine creating a building with those brickbats is phenomenal. To translate that amount of negativity into positivity! And we all went back to her, right? Sure, I don't like that she uses private jets too often, but I don't know what wealthy people do.

So, that was my conversation with Supritha. Follow her on LinkedIn to discover more about what she does.