Women not being home inconveniences everyone!

Hello! 👋

Welcome to the 8th edition of She Got You! — a newsletter where I share my conversations with women who create, make a difference and are building workplaces of the future.

Today's conversation is with Priyanka Peeramsetty, a Chief of Staff, mentor to many, and LinkedIn creator (although she doesn't think so!), who is now on her first unplanned break after working for seven years. She is the founding co-curator of Hyderabad Reads, the local chapter of Cubbon Reads; Priyanka has passed on the baton to the newer community members now. When not working out and making art, Priyanka reads and spends time with her family. I love catching glimpses of her grand (sometimes quotidian) life on Instagram, where she shares photos of coffee, breakfast, sunsets, and her workout. 

As our nearly two-hour conversation unfolded, we spoke about workplaces, culture, people we knew, women in public spaces, and how she compares her life with a Subway sandwich. You know, she chooses all the toppings, sauces, and fillings to make it wholesome the way she wants?

What makes her a solid Chief of Staff, a feminist, and an ally? Let’s find out how she’s got you! 👇

Sunaina: Tell me a bit about yourself.

Priyanka: I'm an optimist who avoids being a pessimist; I really try to be an optimist, but the world around me sometimes lets me down. I'm innately curious, and diverse things fascinate me. I also have a strong work ethic, and now I realise it's just my personality. Whether it's work or little things — even how I clean my desk or mark my calendar — I behave like someone's paying or watching me. My parents are advocates, and I've seen them be like that while growing up. My mom later took up teaching; my younger sister is now a doctor, clocking 16-hour shifts; they're strong reference points for me.

I also appreciate situations or people around me. I like stepping back to see how different people do the same thing differently. I get a kick out of discovering why they do something. For instance, look at how someone photographs sunsets; they could have memories associated with them. What if they were introduced to photography through those moments? — Stuff like this makes me feel I know someone better. 

Sunaina: Right! What parts of childhood or teenage years have shaped you?

Priyanka: I'm from Guntur in Andhra Pradesh and moved to Hyderabad to study engineering. Although Guntur heavily focused on Kota-type colleges, my parents put me in a school emphasising arts and sports. It allowed me to explore sports, debate, painting, elocution, etc. I had the space to do multiple things and read a lot. But in school, I also realised that you must win the system to tweak it. Say I had to disapprove of an exam; I topped it first to suggest changes later. And that's how the society works. I did well in school but also made time to be on the ground or make art.

I remember the long, tedious study hours while preparing for engineering entrance exams. Two days in and my father came to the college and declared my daughter wouldn't stay beyond 4 pm. He said, “You're not sitting in a class like a machine for 12 hours.” I've realised early on that it's essential to stand up for yourself because you easily get onto that road, but it sucks the joy out of you. These little things remind me that if I didn't tolerate it then, why would I now?

I also transitioned from a 90 per cent student to a last bencher in engineering because I felt there was more to do. I was studious, but what I knew and experienced was nothing until then. So, I interned and travelled (9,000km by train for Jagriti Yatra) avidly — I was never in the hostel during semester breaks; I did internships in journalism and travel and lived at IIT Bombay for three months. All these things opened up the world to me. 

Until then, I became what people thought I should become, but all these experiences made me think about who I should become. My first ego-flattening experience was when I moved to Delhi to prepare for UPSC and couldn't clear the first attempt. I told myself, "Oh, you can also fail, and fail how!" It was then I decided to stop assuming my strengths and test them for what they are and not take the burden of what the world thinks. That's when the Young India Fellowship happened! At YIF, I understood the vocabulary of feminism and got comfortable with being vocal and confrontational. While I came out as a different person, I also let that happen to me because till then, I thought I was a misfit, but you go there and see 200 misfits.

Sunaina: So what does a Chief of Staff do?

Priyanka: My last two roles were as Chief of Staff with the CEO, which means doing everything that comes to the CEO’s table. You help the CEO avoid decision fatigue, make timely and effective decisions, and not get stuck in bureaucracy. You streamline leadership and organisational OKRs, post quarterly business reviews and take up special initiative projects. It's also one of those zero-error roles because you act and behave as the CEO's proxy. So, you must demonstrate a near-perfect work ethic, which is good and bad, because you're polished by the best.

You start thinking like a CEO; you understand the pitfalls of big decisions and navigating challenges. But the cons are that you can't mess up or slack off; you always have to bring a certain vibe to work. It's a fairly silent, sometimes thankless, but a pretty fun job! 

Sunaina: Right! In one of your LinkedIn posts, you spoke about how you see fewer women working out in the mornings because of responsibilities at home. Can we talk more about it? Why don't we generally see more women in public spaces?

Priyanka: Women are conditioned not to occupy spaces, you know? Even if they do, it comes with such an exhaustive rule book that compels them to dress, laugh or engage in a certain way. People say it's for safety, but it's purely for control; people don't know how to make inclusive spaces the minute women start taking their space. To avoid the burden of creating inclusive spaces, people create restrictive spaces. And it's evident women don't want to venture out with a tedious mental checklist. You've heard of the rape schedule, right?

Trigger Warning

A rape schedule is a series of restrictions and alterations that women place on their lifestyle to avoid the constantly looming threat of sexual assault. It means that women form an altered schedule based on the paranoia that comes from the fact that they are often targets of sexual violence. These behaviours are altered either consciously or unconsciously but are always driven by the fear of rape, hence the name "rape schedule." — Study Breaks

Women are also shamed for prioritising themselves; for instance, my mom would feel guilty about skipping breakfast prep for a workout, but my dad works out every single day without guilt. Society also glorifies a mother when she prioritises her family over self-care; nobody questions this. 

Plus, no avenues or communities encourage women to step out! Yoga and Zumba are often trolled by people who say women sign up for these classes to gossip, but it helps them break out of obligations that society imposes on them. It's almost like you're penalised for having a passion; you don't celebrate your mother's win of working out by gifting her fancy sports gear, right?

Women not spending more time at home inconveniences everyone around them. You won't have breakfast, and you won't have someone to fold your laundry, so you'll have to do those chores. This includes not just the men of the house but also the kids.

My partner's aunt walks in a park in a tier-3 town with her husband, and she gets looks and comments from bystanders for wearing track pants and t-shirts. You need a lot of bandwidth and courage to fight these things; understandably, not everyone has the energy for this.

Let's not forget the pink tax, which makes our clothing and activewear significantly expensive. It's also an economic decision, right? Women have less capital, and you've made it expensive for them to pursue it. So, it becomes a Mission Impossible situation unless you have privilege. It's challenging to break out of these.

Sunaina: Talking about fitness, you work out and share your daily progress on social media. What made you get into working out so regularly? 

Priyanka: My father! He has defeated cancer twice recently, and something in me changed. I’ve seen how fast he's recovered (he has been running 10K every day for the last 30 years), and that was my cue. I've realised I won't stand a chance if I don't respect my body and mind for a routine that allows me to move for an hour daily. And that's when the workout frenzy began. I started professionally learning tennis in December 2023 and slowly added Zumba, Yoga, and Swimming (which I love and am really good at!) to my weekly routine. I guess it is also good genes (thank you, dear parents!), I pick up sports quite well and relatively soon. And it began to give me a high. I've been keeping myself accountable and can proudly say I am the most consistent I've ever been in my 31 years. I think I have figured this piece out — I will likely continue, for it is very sustainable.

Sunaina: Tell me more about the INK's Future Maker award you won!

Priyanka: INKtalks hosts the Future Maker's Program program, where industry experts coach you through a three-day storytelling workshop. Apart from corporate partnerships, around four people were chosen for this program, and I was one who also won the Google Arts & Culture Grant. It was a win for me because I won it, and my talk came out quite well; I hadn't spoken about my professional and personal challenges in public. The talk was on navigating crisis, and I was stunned at how it turned out! I thought I'd cry on stage, but how did it become a motivational speech? 

Sunaina: Congratulations, that’s awesome! You've done a 10-day Vipassana during your career break. How has it helped you?

Priyanka: I've been to Vipassana more than once, and I like how it encourages service and paying forward. It's volunteer-driven, and you do things out of joy without ulterior motives. You're taught to focus on breathing; even if certain thoughts come to your mind, you acknowledge them and return to focusing on breathing. That's all you do for ten days, but you don't read or write; you have no gadgets, and you're not talking. It's an introvert's paradise, but not having a book is what I underestimated as I was used to having books for company. But I went for Vipassana when I knew I'd appreciate this, so I did it diligently and didn't want to leave on the 11th day.

You realise that you only have yourself, devoid of all the labels and that too in the most primal way. You, breathing!

Sunaina: Has your gender ever been a disadvantage at work?

Priyanka: Not really! I've had nurturing managers who only celebrated me or gave me feedback based on my merit, and I've consciously never put myself around people who discriminate against gender. I don't tolerate sexist jokes, so people don't indulge in such humour when I'm around because I ensure they regret it. I do it respectfully, but I don't let it slide. 

Now is an excellent time for women because workplaces value diversity, and people are more open to mentoring. But be assertive and clear about what you want from mentors. I've had situations where people, especially women, took an extra coaching class or introduced me to others because I sought help with clarity of thought.

Having said that, I've seen women go through sexual harassment or difficulties speaking up. All I can say is I've been fortunate enough.

Sunaina: Indeed! One of the things you do as a Chief of Staff is help workplaces become more inclusive. What can workplaces do to help women be more vocal at work?

Priyanka: Normalise women's behaviour traits, and I don't want to bring up terms like feminine or less aggressive because aggression isn't gender-bound. 

Accept them for who they are; don't define jobs or competencies like the 1950s because they’re no longer applicable. Some jobs require aggression, and some can be laidback, so benchmark them against what's needed.

Workplaces should have no agenda meetings or communities because people feel more recognised or seen when their entire being is more accepted at work. It's not like they respect Priyanka for her presentation skills alone but also for her journaling, painting, etc. Celebrate hobbies as much as you celebrate someone's sales target. We can't always carve out a profession independent of our personal lives because of obligations and expectations. So, create a safe space for women to be comfortable and bring their whole selves to work.

Workplaces don't build career paths for women as they do for men. Companies should consider maternity leaves and gender roles while crafting such paths and revisit them periodically so women know where they're heading. Otherwise, it's just clocking years of experience and taking the promotion they're given rather than actively building and pursuing it. Most companies don't spend time and effort carving women's careers.

Sunaina: Exactly! Diversity isn't just about hiring, right? It's got a lot to do with how workplaces conduct themselves for the growth of women.

Priyanka: Yes, workplaces need to ask themselves if their head of marketing is a woman in five years. Otherwise, there's no point in wondering where all the talent in their company is going! But despite the struggle, I do want to emphasise that it's slowly changing; many companies are hiring women CXOs after realising how bloody good women are. 

The world needs to place more bets on women, give them more opportunities, be tolerant of their mistakes, and not set unrealistic expectations. 

Sunaina: What's your advice for women entering the workforce?

Priyanka: Don't say no to opportunities that feel out of your league because opportunities that seem so will set the rhythm for your career. Don't hesitate to pick up ambitious projects or work that people your age usually don't. You might be afraid of that big step, but you'll figure it out. Set high standards, whether it's personal life or career; otherwise, you'll settle for the bare minimum (or sometimes even trash). It's the only way you grow. And, marry well. Your partner is the single most important decision you can make for a fulfilling career. I took my own sweet time, but as I did it, I can tell how empowering it is to have a feminist partner!

If I were to take up popular advice, I wouldn't have become the first growth manager for a company which had no employees in India, and this didn't come easy. While interviewing for that job, I was told it had a set salary bracket, but I felt it was low for the responsibilities and said I'd ask for 50 per cent more. The career development cell said they won't take responsibility if the company backs out. People don't support your audacious decisions, but you should take them anyway. I got that job because I asked what’s my worth and made a case for it. I remember mine was the highest package when I graduated.

So don't settle and be unabashedly you!

So, that was my conversation with Priyanka. Can't wait to find out what else she does? Follow her on LinkedIn or find her on Topmate.